Home & Company has been running for nearly five years, and in that time many of our assumptions about isolation and loneliness amongst older people have been borne out. But we’ve also had some of our assumptions challenged. In a nutshell these are some of the things we’ve learnt:
We can’t bundle all old people together as one group. One lady in her mid-nineties found she had nothing in common any more with the other residents in her sheltered housing establishment – they were all in their late seventies and early eighties and they seemed like a different generation to her.
Loneliness affects rich and poor older people alike. It’s tempting to think that those living in big expensive houses aren’t lonely because they’ve got the means to do anything they want. In fact some of the loneliest people we’ve met are very wealthy, but don’t know their neighbours, aren’t part of any activities in their local community, and feel it’s a terrible admission that their life has become so small. We need to reach out to everyone.
Not everyone is a groupie. We actually think that we’re really well-off for activities in Brighton and Hove. There are lots of things to get involved in, if you are that way inclined. But if you weren’t a ‘groupie’ when you were young you certainly won’t become a ‘groupie’ in your old age. Many people we visit want a 121 relationship, someone who get’s to know them, their stories, their likes and dislikes. One of our clients had been a history teacher and wanted desperately to impart her knowledge, so we matched her with a member of our team who was keen to learn more about local history, and therein began a great partnership. Our client felt useful and fulfilled again. Purely from a practical point of view, older people’s hearing can mean that a group dynamic is miserable if all you can hear is a din of background noise. We haven’t yet come across a hearing aid which truly solves this problem.
Being in a care home doesn’t necessarily stop you from feeling lonely and isolated. Just the fact that you have other people sat in a room with you doesn’t mean you don’t crave someone to talk to who is there just for you. It’s the importance of those 121 relationships again. We’ve been shocked by the number of people who either have no family, or whose only family are hundreds of miles away or abroad, and having set up primarily to help people to stay living well and independently at home, we are now visiting many people in care homes. We are often their only contact with the outside world, and their only way of leaving the care home for trips out.
But not everyone who lives alone feels lonely. We’re in touch with a number of people who we know don’t see anyone. They may call us occasionally for a chat and just having that contact point is enough.
The main thing we’ve learnt is that we’re all individuals and need to be treated as such, young or old.